things that make me sad

a dead dog on the side of the highway. it was wearing a collar. I don’t know why, but it’s the thought that it was wearing a collar that makes my heart ache. I was on my way to yoga class. I wept through the whole class. my wonderful yoga teacher either didn’t notice or just acted like she didn’t notice. such grace.

a splash of blood on the curb, and a clear path of dribbled blood down the sidewalk as an injured animal retreated to the shrubbery after being hit by a car. that was a year ago, and I still can’t drive past that intersection (the target near 104th and hwy 36) without thinking about that poor injured animal. I only saw the path of blood. I don’t know what happened. my imagination might be making it worse than it really was.

a pond covered with ice. animal prints leading up to a star-shaped hole in the ice. no prints going away from the hole. my son pointed it out to me on our walk yesterday. I can’t bear to think about what it means. I told my son maybe it was a duck. I feel like I can’t breathe when I picture that hole. if it was a dog, it’s dead now, and I can’t help it. when I hear about people who risk their lives to save a pet who is drowning or in a house fire, I think, “that’s me. I would do that.”

I drove past the site where they found that little girl’s body. I did a U-turn and went back. I parked my car and got out to take a photo. the air was biting cold. the sky that deep jewel blue that I love about colorado. someone had spray-painted ” J R ” inside a heart on the side of the little building. I looked down, and I could see other footprints in the snow that nearly matched mine. other people had gotten out of their cars and stood where I stood, looking at the same thing.

I hold onto the idea of the cycle of life. life comes, and life goes. I want to believe that that their deaths were quick and painless. and I want to believe that they didn’t spend their last minutes or seconds wondering why no one is helping them. I would. I would help them if I could.


27. December 2012 by arleigh
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